How To Shift From A ‘I Must’ To A ‘I Want’ Mindset?

In a world where we’re bombarded with instructions, shifting our mindset can be difficult. Leaving little to no room for our desires.

Think about it: How often do you say, “I must do this” or “I have to do that”?

These words may seem insignificant, but they can make us feel like we don’t have a choice.

But you do have a choice!

Instead of saying “I must,” you could say “I want to.” This mindset change may seem small, but it can make a big difference.

By shifting our mindset, we take back control of our choices.

In this blog, we’ll explore how switching from “I must” to “I want” can give us more freedom and happiness.

We will also delve into the power of positive thinking, examining how our mindset influences our experiences and outcomes in life.

I’ll be sharing tips, stories, and examples to show how this simple change can transform your life, empowering your mindset to flourish. Improving your self-esteem.

The “I Must” Mindset

Consider these common “I must” scenarios:

• “I must finish this task today.”
• “I must go to the gym three times a week.”
• “I must clean the house every weekend.”
• “I must always be on time.”
• “I must never make mistakes.”

Reflect on how these phrases make you feel. For many, they may evoke pressure and stress.

Even writing these points made me feel stressed and overwhelmed. Typing the first sentence made me want to give up—despite not needing to tackle these tasks!

These are just a few examples of the ‘I must’ phrases I hear daily.

Saying ‘I must’ or ‘I have to’ all the time makes us feel pressured and stressed, like carrying a heavy weight on our shoulders, slowing us down from accomplishing the ‘I want’ (more on that later).

By insisting that something must be done, we set high expectations for ourselves.

But are they realistic?

Constantly telling ourselves that we must do something often leads to rigidly sticking to plans. And if we can’t meet these “musts” and “have to,” we end up feeling like failures.

This cycle isn’t good for our well-being.

“Life isn’t always so predictable, which means that plans do change. Feeling like a failure affects our self-esteem, making life more difficult than it already is.” – Heraclitus

My ‘I Must’ Mindset Journey

Before my last admission, I struggled with the pressure of ‘must do/have to.’

I constantly told myself that I must recover, I must follow the plan, I must do a certain amount of exercise, and I have to eat a specific amount.

I was driven by my thoughts and the expectations that ‘I must’ do what I was told.

But let me tell you now…

It didn’t work. I didn’t recover. I relapsed many times. Not only that, but I felt pressured, stressed, scared, and unmotivated to recover.

Only when I changed my mindset did I notice a real change.

Is there a Slight Positive to ‘I must’?

Although saying ‘I must’ isn’t great, it does come with a benefit.

Saying “I have to” or “I must” can sometimes feel like a safety net in social situations. It offers a sense of security but also carries pressure.

For instance, when I’m out with friends, I might say, “I have to head home” instead of staying longer.

It could be because I want to work on my blog, do some DIY projects, or simply because I have a meal waiting for me.

As you might know from my blog, sticking to routines is important to me. This includes following a meal plan and eating at specific times for my well-being.

But why resort to saying “I have to” leave?

It’s not that our friends aren’t a priority, but sometimes it’s an easy way to excuse ourselves without hurting their feelings or making them feel unwanted.

I know that I’d rather have someone say that they have to go, even though I know that they probably don’t have to but want to.

The Best Therapy I Received

Sorry (not sorry) to the other hospitals I stayed at, but you didn’t help me.

Moving to Germany for treatment was the best thing for my mental health recovery.

I know this isn’t an option for everyone, but my experience showed me the importance of exploring different support options.

I want to extend a heartfelt thank you to my therapist in Germany. His amazing support and guidance truly helped me understand my illness better and tackle my thoughts.

He didn’t just change my mindset; he helped all the patients in our group.

He implemented a rule against using the phrase ‘I must’ in our therapy sessions to encourage a healthier mindset in recovery.

Instead, he’d interrupt us (politely), asking, ‘Do you have to do it, or do you want to?’

This got us thinking differently.

We even started interrupting each other in private conversations to encourage a positive mindset.

The ‘I Want’ Mindset (the better mindset)

Consider these common “I want” scenarios:

• “I want to finish this task today.”
• “I want to go to the gym three times a week.”
• “I want to clean the house every weekend.”
• “I want to always be on time.”
• “I want never to make mistakes.”

Did you notice a difference in how it made you feel compared to the ‘I must’ scenarios?

I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

I felt like I could and wanted to complete these tasks and plans.

Saying ‘I want’ instead of ‘I must’ releases the pressure, allowing room for spontaneity.

At first, it might feel like you’re lying to yourself, which, in a way, you are, because you know you don’t want to.

However, by saying this, we’re tricking our brains. We’re training them to want to do something rather than feeling obligated to do it.

Our brains might initially feel confused because they will know that you don’t want to clean the house every weekend. You most likely want to chill after a week of work—watch Netflix, enjoy nature, meet friends, etc.

But by embracing an “I want” mindset, we are steering ourselves toward improved mental and emotional well-being.

Approaching tasks and challenges with a sense of desire rather than obligation allows us to feel happier and proud of what we have achieved.

For example, shifting your mindset from “I must eat healthily” to “I want to nourish my body and give it what it wants” can transform your idea of “healthy eating” from a chore into a joyful opportunity for self-care.

Instead of viewing food and eating healthy as something we have to do, we begin to see it as a privilege—a chance to nourish and strengthen our bodies.

Consider how similar shifts in perspective can positively impact various aspects of your life, empowering you to live with intention and fulfillment.

Think on The Positive Side

Using the example of cleaning your house again, let’s consider the positives of wanting to clean your house.

Cleaning your house every weekend isn’t the end of the world; it can actually be quite calming.

If you feel compelled to clean, you are admitting that you’d rather not live amidst dust and clutter.

By embracing the desire to clean, you’re acknowledging the presence of dust and dirt and affirming that you prefer a cleaner environment.

And perhaps, rather than tackling cleaning tasks all at once, consider cleaning as you go about your day.

Use the kitchen? Clean it afterward.

Spot some hair on the floor? A quick vacuum and it’s gone—though it may reappear minutes later, so keep the vacuum close by.

Is it just me, or is anyone else dealing with constant shedding? Haha

Wow, this blog sure took an unexpected twist!

So, dear readers, buckle up for a wild ride as we explore ‘How to Shift From Living in Dirt to Cleaning’—because let’s face it, sometimes laughter is the best cleaning agent!

Anyway, let’s have a look at the power of positive thinking.

The Power of Positive Thinking

Positive thinking has great power over our well-being.

The negatives are put to the side, shifting our focus to the positives.

However, this doesn’t mean that we don’t take the reality into perspective.

For example, imagine someone is experiencing financial difficulties and is struggling to live off of what they have.

Instead of acknowledging that they should seek practical solutions, they adopt a false positive mindset.

They start telling themselves that it will solve itself, without taking concrete steps to improve their situation.

This false positivity may lead them to ignore budgeting, seeking additional sources of income, or seeking financial assistance, causing a financial break.

Positive thinking offers numerous benefits, including:

• lower risk of a heart attack
• better physical health
• better mental health
• better stress management
• better resistance to outside influences, e.g. feeling cold

Fun fact: Did you know that positive thinking helps with a longer lifespan? Believe me, this is no lie!

When I first became ill, my parents maintained a positive outlook. Instead of worrying, they kept their focus on my recovery. They tried to stay positive when in front of me, despite their soul dying from within.

Instead of showing their weaknesses, they focused on getting me back. As I said before, this doesn’t mean that they ignored the negatives.

I had never seen my parents cry until that moment, but in front of me, they would stay strong.

They would think positively, reflecting their positivity and strength onto me, supporting me in my recovery.

4 Tips For a Positive Mindset

1. Train Your Brain: Your Brain is a muscle—it needs regular exercise to stay strong and healthy. Just as you would train a dog, you can train your brain to think more positively. When negative thoughts arise, take a moment to pause and analyze them. Ask yourself how you can reframe the situation in a more positive light. With practice, you’ll find it easier to shift from “I must” to “I want.”
2. Celebrate Your Achievements: It’s easy to ignore our accomplishments, especially when focused on the next big goal, and being the best. But every success, no matter how small, deserves recognition. Take the time to celebrate your achievements and acknowledge your progress. Whether it’s completing a task at work or reaching a personal milestone, give yourself credit for a job well done. Remember, that the smallest achievements are normally the biggest ones—they’re the building blocks of success. I struggle with celebrating what I have achieved. Whenever I have an idea that excites me, I immediately start planning. Within minutes, my thoughts would convince me that anyone could do this and that there was no point in continuing. However, the truth is, one should persevere. You never know, perhaps you’ll create something that nobody else could ever achieve
3. Find Joy in the Little Things: Life is full of small moments of joy if we take the time to notice them. Whether it’s a funny cat video, a beautiful sunset, or a heartfelt conversation with a friend, finding joy in the little things can brighten even the darkest days. Find something that brings a smile to your face – perhaps a bizarre yet hilarious cat video, or a monkey caught in the act of scratching its bum. Maybe it’s even a video of yourself. For me, the funniest video I ever made of myself dates back to last year at the beach. I wanted to capture an epic hair-flipping moment, where my wet hair would elegantly whip back. However, instead of achieving that perfect flip, I fell forward in a funny but awkward way. Whenever I watch that video, it always puts a smile on my face.
4. Inform Yourself: I love inspirational books that offer valuable lessons, particularly those centered around positivity to guide me during challenging moments. Two books that have profoundly impacted me are ‘Eliminate Negative Thinking‘ and ‘Good Vibes, Good Life’. Good Vibes, Good Life’ is particularly special to me because it’s a personal journey shared by the author himself.
5. Embrace the “I Want” Mindset: Incorporate the “I want” mindset into your daily life. Instead of approaching tasks with a sense of obligation, reframe them as opportunities for growth and fulfillment. Whether it’s going to the gym, pursuing a passion project, or spending time with loved ones, focus on what you want to do rather than what you feel you should do. By aligning your actions with your desires, you’ll feel more motivated and empowered to live on your terms.

There is so much more to write about Positive thinking, that I will write a separate blog on the topic with more tips.

So there you have it!

Shifting from ‘I must’ to ‘I want’ can make all the difference. It’s like unlocking a door to a more fulfilling life.

Keep choosing ‘I want,’ and watch how your world changes. Stay tuned for more positive vibes in my next blog.

Until then, keep smiling and living your best life!