ED Recovery: Advice You Need To Know Before You Start

In 2020, I was finally admitted into an eating disorder community, taking my first steps into ED recovery.

I won’t lie—it was hard.

I was scared, isolated, and confused.

The idea of recovery scared me—what it might look like, what it might take, and who I might be without my eating disorder. More than anything, I was afraid of being alone.

I felt isolated in my thoughts and lifestyle, cut off from family, friends, and society. Decisions were made with or without my consent, and I wasn’t sure where I fit in anymore.

But more than anything, I was confused. What was even happening? I felt awful, yet somehow okay. My body dysmorphia convinced me I looked normal, even when others told me otherwise.

I didn’t know what I needed to do, what I should do, what to expect, or where to begin.

This is why I’d like to share six things I wish someone had told me before starting my ED recovery journey.

Because, oh god, it’s a long, challenging journey—but it’s so possible.

It’s normal to feel scared and confused

It’s not often that someone struggling with a mental illness fully realizes there’s a problem.

We go through our daily routines, guided by our illness, believing that what we’re doing is “normal“. So when the focus suddenly shifts to you and your health, it can feel overwhelming, leaving you confused, asking yourself, Why?

Why me? Why all this attention? Is something wrong? Am I unusual or strange?

And when the reality of care and recovery finally sinks in, fear can follow.

How did I let it get this far? What’s going to happen to me now?

Your mind starts questioning everything, sending conflicting messages as it fights against itself.

You will be treated like your ED

I often felt like I wasn’t seen or heard during my admission. Every action, thought, behavior, and movement was labeled as disordered—even things I’d done since I was a little girl.

I understand that the staff were doing their jobs, but it was frustrating for all of us.

For example, even something as simple as waiting for medication was labeled as disordered. The meds office was right in the middle of the room, but we weren’t allowed to stand while waiting. Instead, we would be told to sit on the floor.

It felt ridiculous, like we weren’t even trusted to just exist normally. Or even to learn what normal could look like.

Recovery isn’t linear

There will be times when you feel like you’re falling behind, making mistakes, or taking steps backward instead of moving forward. But don’t be too hard on yourself—this is part of the process.

Remind yourself that it’s normal. Tomorrow is a new day, a fresh chance to learn from yesterday. Because the worst days are often the ones that lead to the best ones.

Weight fluctuates

Since I never saw my weight during admission, I struggled to stay on track once I was discharged. The first time I was faced with the numbers again, even the smallest changes felt overwhelming.

There were times when my weight would change ever so slightly, and my whole world would fall apart.

I was good at losing weight, okay at maintaining it, but gaining … that felt like hell.

But here’s the thing: your weight fluctuates all the time. It’s never the same number.

Weight gain is more than just fat; it’s also water retention, muscle mass, the food in your stomach, and even your hair.

Your body isn’t static, and that’s okay.

Focus on you and your recovery

Being surrounded by others who are struggling with the same illness can be both comforting and challenging. Just as everyone’s story is different, so is their recovery.

We all struggled with comparison, especially me. I constantly sought reassurance from those who had been struggling for years, hoping they would tell me I was doing the right thing.

Looking back, I’m not sure why I asked them. Maybe I believed their experience made them more qualified to guide me. Or maybe, deep down, I was seeking validation—reassurance that I wasn’t “betraying” my ED by recovering.

Who knows.

But the most important thing is to focus on you. You are there for your life, not to measure yourself against someone else’s journey.

Anorexia is not your friend

When you hear that voice in your head—when it feels like you’re in direct conversation with it—it becomes incredibly hard to separate yourself from it.

Anorexia will tell you things and make you do things that you might not even want to do. She makes you believe that she’s looking out for you, that she’s your closest friend. But it’s all a lie!

Listening to her won’t keep you safe.
Following her won’t bring peace.
Your voice is louder—use it. Push back. Walk away.

Please don’t forget: you are not your illness. That voice may be loud, persuasive—even familiar—but it does not define you. And it is most definitely not your friend!

You feel all the emotions

Something that surprised me during my ED recovery was how emotional I became. At the beginning of my admission, I felt like a blank slate—completely numb.

The only feeling I recognised was hatred—toward myself, my ED, everyone in the room, the people who got me into hospital, and honestly, the entire world.

But as I started eating again, emotions began flooding back. Anger, sadness, frustration—I was constantly crying and swearing, overwhelmed by feelings I hadn’t experienced in so long.

But after some time, I began to feel something new: happiness and gratitude.

My emotions were all over the place, shifting from one extreme to another in seconds.

Recovery is an emotional rollercoaster. But it’s proof that you’re healing.

What to expect in ED recovery

Everyone’s recovery looks different—just like everyone’s experiences will differ.
Whatever you go through, know that each experience will teach you something new.

Recovery isn’t linear, easy, or perfect—but it’s worth it.

But I want you to know that you are not alone and that you’ve got this. Keep going!