No one talks about what anorexia truly takes from you.
(artwork by BANKSY)
You’ve probably heard about the weight loss, the obsession with food, the starvation, and the need for control. But that’s just the surface. The truth runs much more profound, down to the core of who you are.
Anorexia (or any eating disorder) isn’t just about food; it’s about losing yourself, piece by piece, until all that’s left is a mindless wanderer, consumed by rules, numbers, and fear.
My journey into anorexia started with the goal of becoming fitter and healthier. Following ‘What I Eat In A Day‘ on YouTube from stunning models, with flawless figures, tracking my intake and calories burned.
Pushing my body to its limits.
I thought I knew what I was getting into. I thought I had it all under control.
But control quickly turned into obsession. One gram lost led to another, then another—until I wasn’t just losing weight, becoming fitter or healthier.
I was losing myself.
This is the reality of anorexia that no one warns you about. And I’m here to talk about it.
Reality check #1: Reaching your ‘goals’ won’t make you happy
Whatever your goal is—whether it’s becoming healthier or fitter like me or boosting your self-esteem—reaching your “ideal” weight won’t make you any happier.
Happiness isn’t waiting for you at the end of a goal. Once you reach it, you’ll only crave more, never feeling satisfied.
My goal to become healthier started innocently, but once I reached my target weight, I didn’t stop. I liked seeing the numbers drop on the scale; it made me feel like a winner.
So, one goal led to the next, then the next—until I woke up, realizing I had spent years in and out of the hospital.
You become so focused on achieving that you forget to live, laugh, and enjoy life.
Reality check #2: It’s just you and anorexia (isolation)
YWhen you start to forget to live, laugh, and enjoy life, your social connections fade. Even if you’re not a very social person, you start to feel even more alone.
But the “good news” is, you’ve got your best friend in your head: anorexia. She knows what’s best for you, how to care for you, and how to make you happy… right?
Wrong.
Anorexia pushes people away.
You convince yourself that you don’t need anyone, but deep down, you just want to feel love again—to be hugged, to feel the warmth of others. But anorexia holds you back.
The once-happy family moments turn into arguments. Your friends begin to disappear. Strangers on the street avoid making eye contact. Even your pets start to sense that something is wrong.
It’s just you and your eating disorder, which is NOT fun.
Reality check #3: Your life becomes full of lies
When struggling with an eating disorder, you believe you have everything under control—that the things you’re doing, saying, and thinking are normal.
But in reality, they are far from it.
You’ve probably heard the phrase, “Anorexia is all about control.” If you haven’t, well, now you have. And it’s true. But instead of you being in control, anorexia is the one controlling you.
Anorexia lies to you, making you believe everything is fine—that you’re not sick, that you don’t need help.
Warping your sense of self-worth, convincing you that you look fat, that you’re eating too much, that if you don’t follow its rules, you are nothing.
Making you believe you can’t live without it.
But here’s the truth: You can. And you deserve to.
Reality check #4: It’s a lose-win situation
As I mentioned above, one goal leads to the next, then another—never leaving you satisfied. Even when you don’t want to, you always end up doing what your eating disorder tells you to do. It’s like a constant inner battle between what feels right and what is right.
No matter how hard you fight, you always seem to lose—while your eating disorder wins, tightening its grip on you and cheering itself on.
Reality check #5: The hunger never goes away
A lot of people think that we don’t feel hunger. But that isn’t true.
For many struggling with anorexia, the hunger is always there. And oh god, is it there.
Our bodies fight so hard to send hunger signals because they need energy. But we force ourselves to ignore them. That’s why recovery can be so terrifying—because once our bodies start receiving food again, they crave more. They’re drained, damaged, and desperate to replenish.
Suddenly, you’re hungry 24/7, and that can feel overwhelming.
Life Beyond Anorexia Is Waiting
These are just five truths I felt were most important to share, but there are so many more—ones I’ll continue to explore in future blogs.
Starting recovery can feel overwhelming, uncomfortable, and even “wrong.”
But once your brain begins to function again, you’ll realize that the thoughts and actions you once believed were “normal” were actually lies told by your eating disorder. The only way to see through them is to fight against them.
If anything in this blog resonates with your journey, please don’t ignore it. Reach out. Ask for help. You are not weak for doing so—you are proving just how strong you truly are.
Before recovery, anorexia was my identity.
Now, I see it for what it really is—a thief that stole so much life from me. Though it caused me pain, and I hate it for that, I’m also strangely grateful.
It forced me to grow, to learn, and to see life differently.
I want you to know that even though recovery is hard—there is a way out. It isn’t just possible; it’s worth it. No matter how far gone you feel, you are never too lost to be found. Keep fighting, because life beyond your eating disorder is waiting for you.
And I promise—it’s beautiful. xx
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