What Happened To Your Creativity?

Creativity lies in its ability to create a connection to our inner selves.

The Beginning of Creativity

From a young age, we start discovering our creative minds. As children, we often enjoyed making food art, creating imaginary friends, or even playing with wooden blocks.

When we engage in creativity, we lose ourselves to our thoughts and emotions, uncovering hidden details within ourselves.

It opens our hearts to new opportunities in the creative world.

If we are proud of what we see, we show no fear of showing it to the world. If we are lucky, we can even make a living off it.

However, many individuals hide their art. They fear they lack talent and will face criticism from those who don’t grasp its meaning. This can affect our self-esteem, making us feel untalented and worthless.

But that’s the whole idea of creativity!

If someone is criticizing your work, it is their way of showing their jealousy. You came up with the idea and not them.

Also, isn’t it good that they are talking about you?

It means that you have got their attention!

Creativity knows no bounds of age, gender, or nationality. Art resides within all of us; some embrace it, while others do not.

Creativity is intelligence having fun — Albert Einstein

My Childhood Growing Up With Creativity

After completing my homework, getting down the painting box at the weekend was the highlight of my week.

I would sit there for hours, experimenting with different shapes and colours, leaving my masterpieces in the sun to dry. I would then hang them up around the house, showcasing my work.

We could have opened a whole gallery, especially when my sisters started following in my footsteps.

When I was in secondary school, I developed a love for drawing. Then, I picked up a pencil to start drawing my very first fashion design (which I copied off the internet, as I had no knowledge of fashion design).

My teacher, however, didn’t see any potential in me. She told me that my work was rubbish. So she handed me a needle and a thread to sew into famous art pieces instead.

The Brit School

After a few years, it was time to move on. I applied to the best art school in London, and within a few months, I was invited for an interview.

I was nervous and unsure. Furthermore, I didn’t feel confident that my work was good enough to secure a place.

As weeks passed without a response, I started to lose hope. I began to prepare for a business degree program at my secondary school’s sixth form.

Little did I know, my application had been accepted, and I was offered a place!

Thank god, because it was then that I found that that very art teacher would also be teaching my business course.

Phew, that was a close call!

Before COVID-19 broke out, I was sitting on the beach watching my family having fun swimming in the sea.

I felt guilty for not being able to join in the fun, so I decided to prepare for my new school. I began sketching without a plan and within an hour, I had drawn my first proper fashion design. Which I still love to this day!

So why did I title this blog “What Happened To Your Creativity?”

While suffering from anorexia nervosa, your body isn’t receiving the energy it needs to function properly.

It is malnourished.

Your brain switches to survival mode, meaning that all the energy it generates gets sent to the most vital organs e.g. heart and kidneys.

Everything else is considered unimportant, like your hair, nails, skin, and the ability to take part in life. This is often why hair loss, nail breakages, and dry skin are symptoms of malnourishment.

I even lost the ability to speak for a while, because I didn’t have the energy to project my voice.

Mental Distortion on My Creativity

You see, when my mental health started to deteriorate, I lost the ability to be my creative self. My brain was filled with the intoxicating comments and thoughts from my eating disorder, that I didn’t have any room for the things that I love.

It not only affected my health and my creativity, but it also influenced my designs. My designs mirrored the way I felt and looked. They became thinner, and their legs became longer, which is the body that I (more so my ED) “desired”.

This is something that I hadn’t noticed and the time. I did however receive comments on my work from others stating that the fashion figures looked unwell.

Forcing Creativity

For about two years, I was unable to come up with any new designs. This frustrated me, causing many tears, and ruining previous designs.

By the end of my last admission, I became sick and tired of the loss of creativity. So I began forcing myself to start designing again.

I felt no enjoyment in it.

It wasn’t like before, when I was sitting on the beach enjoying the sun, letting my hands glide across the page and creating my magic. This time it was more forceful.

I had to retrain my brain, which is often the case when in recovery.

The hardest battle you’ll ever fight is within your mind. Retraining your brain takes courage, but it’s the key to true liberation — unknown

Retraining your brain is like climbing Mount Everest without difficulty. You start your course at the beginning of recovery, to only then be faced with the most powerful organ, your brain.

Your brain, however, has been processed by the “eating disorder devil” himself, which you need to fight against to find freedom. Fighting against something that feels so real is hard.

You are made to believe what you see, hear, and think. It’s like being blindfolded, and having no orientation in which direction we are heading.

How did I manage to take off my blindfold, to be able to make my own decisions again?

Doing the absolute opposite of what I am being made to believe. Full stop.

There are no ifs or buts! Your brain has been taken over by an alien if you will, and it is time to get it back! Your brain belonged to you first.

Isn’t it the saying “finders keepers”?

Being admitted into the hospital meant that I had to follow the care plan prescribed for me. All decisions were taken from me so that I could focus on getting my health back.

I’m not going to lie; the journey was incredibly challenging. But in the end, it was all worth it.

Now, I find immense joy in designing and being creative once more. Moreover, I’ve discovered a new hobby – giving furniture a second life. It’s incredibly fulfilling to breathe new life into old pieces, infusing them with character and charm

Leaving Reminder: Everyone’s recovery happens at a different pace. Some people can recover quicker, while others may need more help. Both are valid.

Winning your life back means winning your freedom, intelligence, and creativity back. Try seeing this as a motivation, to keep going. You have got this!

Don’t let your creativity slip away into the hands of the devil. It belongs to you and for the world to admire. Keep Fighting!

The link to the art book that I use is Here (I have been using it since day one)