Improve your Self-esteem: what you need to know

Did you know that about 85% of people worldwide struggle with low self-esteem?

Surprisingly, only 11% of girls feel beautiful, and 90% of women aren’t happy with their appearance. Since COVID-19 began, 32% of women in the USA have felt their self-esteem drop.

These are shocking statistics, and that’s not even everything! (You can find out more Here)

As you can see, the suffered are mainly women. However, that doesn’t mean that men don’t suffer as well.

Many people might not even realise or know that close to around 40% of men suffer from low self-esteem.

What is low Self-Esteem?

Low Self-esteem is the way we think about ourselves and our worth. It is the feeling of insecurity within ourselves, and who we are as a person.

When someone negatively views themselves, and become very critical of themselves, they quickly become a victim of low self-esteem.

Low self-esteem impacts how we think about ourselves, our day, our worth, and even those around us.

Low self-esteem isn’t a diagnosis; it’s a common feeling many of us have encountered at some point throughout our lives.

Have you ever caught yourself using words like “ugly,” “fat,” “unworthy,” or “stupid” to describe yourself?

Maybe you said it in passing, almost as a joke, like the classic “I’m so stupid, why did I do that?”

I know that I have said that phrase many, many times in my life.

However, saying this about myself wasn’t a joke; it was how I spoke about myself daily. Perceiving myself like this affected my mood and my aura.

Causing me to eventually break, falling into the deep, dark hole of my eating disorder and depression. It took me years to finally see a glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel.

What are the signs of Low Self-Esteem?

The signs of low self-esteem can vary widely from person to person.

For example, Person 1 may feel depressed, sad, and lonely, while Person 2 might feel insecure in their bodies and avoid joining in activities.

These are 2 different examples of low self-esteem. However, in my opinion, one is slightly more noticeable, than the other.

Low self-esteem: Person 1

Let’s have a look at Person 1. They are struggling with depression and feelings of loneliness.

Typically, when we think of depression, we often imagine someone with a constant frown on their face. However, that isn’t always the case.

Depression and the feeling of sadness in general can be hidden beneath a smile. It’s almost like wearing a mask. But only when that mask is removed are their true feelings revealed.

This can be misleading to others, mistaking those who are depressed for being happy individuals.

Conversely, someone who is simply having a bad day or feeling tired might be mistaken for a person with depression.

Personal Examples:

Looking at these images of me, you might think I look happy or at peace, like in the middle photo.

But the truth is, I wasn’t.

There were some joyful moments, but at the time they were taken, I wasn’t feeling that joy.

The first image was when I went out with my best friend to challenge cake together. We were still in the hospital at the time, but we made it a routine to eat a piece of cake every Wednesday, challenging our ED thoughts and fear foods.

The middle image was taken on my 19th birthday. From the outside, I looked happy, but within, my ED was screaming because I had treated myself to a birthday cupcake. I really did enjoy it, but the feelings of guilt were very strong.

Lastly, the image on the right.

Now, this isn’t eating disorder-related, but what no one would think of was that on that day (and for the course of a few weeks after), I was in so much pain. Little did I know, but I had COVID, and it got me bad!

All these images are just a few examples of masks that I put on to hide my true feelings.

This is why it is important not to believe everything you see, especially not on social media.

Low self-esteem: Person 2

Person 2 however, struggles more with insecurity and avoids social activities.

I can relate to the person more, as that is what happened to me.

Interacting with people became increasingly difficult for me because it often involved going out to eat or sitting somewhere to chat. Activities that my eating disorder and excessive exercise regimen made difficult for me to engage in.

In my opinion, person 2 symptoms are easier to recognise, as they would be the ones to not stand out, and who make themselves smaller.

They don’t like the attention, and they tend to cover their body, either by wearing multiple layers of clothing or by covering their “difficult parts” with their arms.

However, these were only two examples. Here’s a list of additional symptoms:

• negative self-talk
• critical self-talk
• difficulties bonding and creating new relationships
• don’t accept any compliments
• thinking that others are better than you
• the feeling of not being worth anything
• that no one likes you

The Best Ways to Boost Your Self-Esteem

Recognition.

The power of recognition is timeless.

On the research side of things, accepting recognition or receiving it, releases dopamine. This is a so-called ‘feel good’ neurotransmitter.

It boosts our mood, making us feel happier, and it helps reduce stress. Which is exactly what is needed for our overall well-being! More Here

In my words: It’s like a little dance party for your brain, with dopamine as the DJ spinning feel-good tunes, helping you groove through life and shake off stress without needing a ‘chill pill’ haha.

Recognizing that the thoughts you are having or the words you are saying may be misleading you to believe something that isn’t true.

Just because our brain is the powerhouse and the decision-maker of our body doesn’t mean we always have to listen to it.

Brains tend to lie.

If we have a critical or a negative voice inside our head, then the good thing is that it is inside our head and doesn’t necessarily reflect reality.

Realizing that just because we think something, doesn’t automatically make it true or worth believing.

Once we have recognised this, then we have control over the structure of that thought or feeling.

We can change its tone, the speed, what it is saying, and where it’s being directed.

An example from markdawesqt (Instagram): one of his clients redirected his negative thoughts down his arm and into his thumb.

Once the thought had arrived in his thumb, he put his thumb inside his palm. This was a brilliant thing to do, as the voice became muffled and unable to be heard.

Have a look at Mark Dawes’ Instagram account! He dives into the intricacies of the human brain and shares tips to help you become your best self. It’s worth checking out!

Changing the negative into a positive

I am sorry, but why are we always so negative?

For example, when I am at work, all I hear is ‘another 200 guests, ugh,’ ‘I’m so tired,’ and ‘Why do I always get stuck with the worst shifts?’ ‘I want to quit,’ ‘I’m stressed out’ and ‘I can’t believe how demanding these customers are.’

But you know what? That’s life.

Not everything is going to be perfect, but it doesn’t mean that’s all we have to talk about.

What about the positives? Where are they?

Let’s have a look at this typical phrase, ‘I am so tired.’

Instead, you could start by saying, ‘I am wide awake.’ This might not make sense at first, but let me elaborate.

By saying that we are wide awake, we are tricking our brain into believing that we are indeed wide awake. This is because we are sending a different message to our brain.

Just as our brain can be fooled, so can we fool it.

I have been testing this thought over the years, and it works!

It was something I grew up with because my mum would always make us think positively.

Another great example is the phrase ‘I’m stressed’.

My therapist would always ask me, ‘Are you stressed or are you making yourself stressed?’

Realising that by constantly labeling myself as ‘stressed,’ I was basically asking for more stress.

Again, by saying this, you are sending a negative message to your brain, resulting in feeling stressed.

But you know what? Those feelings usually pass pretty quickly. We might be feeling slightly overwhelmed, but in a few hours, we’re back to feeling fine again.

Self-acceptance

Embracing our flaws, acknowledging our worth, and accepting our imperfections while striving for growth over perfection are essential for authentic living.

If we’re constantly striving to be the best or pretending to be something we’re not, we’re just wasting our energy. Eventually, it’ll wear us out and lead to a breaking point.

You were born an original, don’t die a copy.

John Mason

Everyone looks, acts, smells, and talks differently. So It isn’t about fitting in with the crowd; it’s about standing out to those who are also seeking authenticity.

I’ve written an entire blog on self-acceptance, exploring six practical steps to start implementing today to move one step closer to self-acceptance.

You can find this blog Here.

Summary

Though this blog only touches on three different ways to boost your self-esteem, it’s crucial to understand that there are countless methods out there.

These three strategies are what personally made a difference for me, but as I’ve mentioned before, everyone is different.

Maybe this blog will strike a chord with you, or perhaps you’ll find better guidance elsewhere. What matters most is discovering what truly resonates with you and what doesn’t.

Thank you for reading!